Imoutos & Onii-chans

>Be Anon, 13

>Babysitting my neighbors’ kid

>A young baphomet, Abby, five or six years younger than me

>She’s sitting on the floor eating animal crackers and watching cartoons



>I look up from my phone to see her gazing at me with her big red eyes

>”I wanna build a fort.”

“Okay, go for it.”

>”You have to help me, daddy always does.”


>She scurried over to the closet and started pulling sheets and blankets out

>Wads them all up in her arms and gleefully brings them back to me

>”Onii-chan, help me move these chairs!”

>Within an hour we had a pretty damn good pillow fort done, all Abby’s design

>It had a pretty good sized main room complete with a sky light

>There was a tunnel you had to go down to get into the main chamber, it was a tight squeeze for me but Abby made it specifically so I could crawl in it

>I sat back down on a chair and returned to browsing my phone as Abby brought toys down from her room and placed them in her fort.

>”Oniichan, come in. We have dinner with the king!”

“Do I have to?”

>”Yes. Or its off with your head.”

>Begrudgingly, I crawled into the fort

>I kept crawling and crawling down the dark tunnel

>I didn’t remember it being this long

>Like holy shit this is at least thirty feet of crawling now

>Good thing I’m young or my knees would be killing me

>Concerned, I looked back

>There was a stone wall blocking me in

>I looked ahead of me to see I was now in a tall, wide stone hallway with wooden flooring


>I got up and looked around

>I spied a window with sunlight streaming in

>I poked my head out to see a sprawling medieval town with tall stone walls surrounding the area


>I started walking down the hallway as I scratched my head

>I arrived at a pair of wooden doors that I heard indistinct chattering behind

>I pushed one of them open and poked my head in

>I saw a long wooden table with multiple forms sitting around it

>At the far end sat Abby next to her favorite teddy bear dressed in a kings outfit

>I slowly realised the other shapes were more of her toys

>All of them were people sized, Lego people, stuffed toys, dolls, all about four to six feet tall

>Again, what

>”Onii-chan! Over here!”

>Abby waved at me as all the toys turned to look at me, their chatter ceasing

>I made my way to that side of the table and sat in a chair that was presumably for me

>”Ah, Sir Knight Oni– Anon!”

>The teddy bear spoke spooking me slightly

>I quickly realised Abby was speaking for ‘the king’ by lowering her voice and covering her mouth

>’The king’ bowed to me as well as the rest of the toys around the table bowed as well

“Abby whats going on? Where are we?”

>I brought my hand up to scratch my face but found it was now covered in a metal gauntlet

>Looking down I found I was covered in full plate, but it was no heavier than my regular clothed

>Now I was really confused

>”The king has a quest for us.”

>Abby spoke directly to me, now wearing robes with the same insignia as the cloth part of my armor, a tree with a book behind it

>”Ah, yes your quest Sir Knight!”

>I really didn’t like it when the bear spoke

>”The village of… the village of…Onii-chan whats a good village name?”

“Abby, where am I?”

>”You’re in the kingdom! We’re playing Dungeons and Dragons like daddy and mommy and their friends do!”

“This isn’t how– Look, can we go home?”

>”No, we have to fight the monster and win the Dungeons and Dragons game first. Then we get gold… magic items… and E-X-P?”

“Experience points, its like how much you’ve learned.”

>”You’re so smart onii-chan, you must have lots of E-X-P!”

>I sighed, I doubted this would take long

“The village name is Goldcrest, its an old mining outpost turned village.”

>”Ah yes, Goldcrest!”

>The bear spoke again

>”Go there and help those good people with their monster problem! Go into town and gather some provisions before you leave!”

“Mmm, what if I don’t want to?”

>”Onii-chan! You’re a hero! You have to say, ‘I accept your quest m’lord!’”

>I didn’t like how she mimicked me but begrudgingly I went with it

“I accept your quest m’lord. I will need some of my payment in advance as I have to go buy my own weapons.”

>”I accept your terms, good Sir Knight.”

>A huge bag of gold coins was dropped into my hands

>”Okay, now we’re in town.”

>As soon as Abby finished her sentence, we were standing in a central area with a flowing fountain

>More toys wandered around the exterior near the unmarked wooden buildings

“Where to next?”

>”Uhm… The black smiths!”

>We were instantly transported into a hot, dirty building with an open roof

>A doll akin to a dwarven woman sat at the forge hammering away at a glowing red sword

>She spoke, not as creepy as the stuffed bear, thankfully

>”What can I do for you?”

>It was Abby speaking for her again, of course

“How much for a date with you?”

>”No! Onii-chan! You’re supposed to say, ‘I need weapons!’”

>I chuckled and returned to being railroaded down her story

“I need weapons.”

>”Take your pick.”
>She gestured to the items on a table

>An orange sword, a blue axe, a normal looking shield, a spear and a pistol all sat on the table

“What does this one do?”

>I pointed to the sword

>”Is it supposed to do something special? Uhm, it explodes– It makes things it hits explode.”

“Just tell me what they all do.”

>”The axe uh, shoots radioactive fire. The shield can block anything, except for love. The spear does extra damage when thrown and does lightning damage. The gun… shoots… swords. That explode but not as good.”

“Okay, I’ll buy the gun.”

>”100 gold please.”

>I didn’t bother to count out the gold I just slapped some on the counter, thankfully, Abby didn’t care to check either

>”Onii-chan, you need to buy the sword and shield, that’s what paladins use.”

“Fine, give me the sword and shield.”

>”Uh, 100 gold.”

>I gave her the money

>”Okay, we’re back in town square.”

>Once again, I blinked and we were back in town

“Now we leave town and go to the village?”

>”We need, uh… camping supplies?”

>We were now in a general store

>I quickly bought a tent and food from an elf

>”Don’t we need firewood to have a fire at camp?”

“We’ll just have to get some on site.”

>”Then we should buy the axe.”

>We were back to the blacksmith, wordlessly, I threw money and the dwarf and took both the axe and spear, just to be safe

>Finally, we were ready to go

“How do we get to Goldcrest?”

>”We follow the path. I have to roll for random encounters.”

>She performed a somersault and flopped onto her back

>She blinked at me

>”We have to fight the bears.”

>Suddenly, we were in the woods surrounded by bears

>Like fuckin’ eleven of ‘em

>”Initiative says that I’m first.”

>She waved her staff around above her head and mumbled some gibberish to herself

>A fireball shot out of the staff and blew up some of the bears

>I stared at her, a little concerned

>”Your turn, onii-chan!”

>I grabbed the spear

“How do I make it shoot lighting or whatever?”

>”You have to say the magic words then throw it!”

“Uh, lightning bolt!”

>I threw the spear

>The lightning arced between the bears, frying the last few that stood

>”You did it! We get gold and E-X-P! What color is E-X-P, onii-chan?”


>Two bags dropped on the ground, one full of gold and the other was full of little green orbs

>She picked them up and stuffed them into a backpack

>”We continue walking,”

>We were suddenly on a path somewhere else, still deep in the sunny woods

>”Its getting late, we should camp.”

>Suddenly the world around us was dark

>Abby set up the tent while I got some wood

>We sat around the fire and ate graham crackers

>”Is onii-chan having fun?”

>I sighed


>”Good! Onii-chan having fun with my game makes me happy!”

>She gave me a huge heart melting smile

>”Ok, we ate our rations, now we have to sleep!”

>We lay side by side in the tent, armor on

>”Good night onii-chan!”

>She closed her eyes and pretended to snore

>I lay on my back staring at the roof of the tent, wondering what I had gotten myself into

>”Okay, now its morning.”

>Like the flipping of a light switch, the sun turned on

“Do you have to roll again?”

>I packed up the tent in like five seconds

>”For encounters? Yeah.”

>She lie down on the ground in the long grass and rolled down a small hill

>She ended up face up

>”We have to fight the wolves.”

>We were in the mountains now

>Surrounded by wolves, of course

>I glanced around at twenty or more wolves

>”They go first.”

>”They attack you.”

>I pulled out the shield

>”They roll to attack.”

>I watched as most of the wolves struggled to roll over

>”They miss. Your turn.”

“I use… spear?”

>I had forgotten to pick it back up

“I mean sword.”

>”Roll to attack.”

“You didn’t make me roll earlier, Abby.”

>”I forgot, okay?”

>She pouted at me

>With a sigh, I performed a combat roll and struck at one of the wolves with my blade

>”Uhm, does that equal a hit? I don’t know your modifiers.”

“I have a plus ten to hit, of course. I’m min-maxing like all heck. Wolves are easy to hit. Oh, and I smite.”


>I watched the wolf explode once in a fireball, then in holy light

>It took out about five of them

>”You’re so good at this onii-chan!”

“I use my bonus action to cast gun.”

>I pulled out the gun and kept firing until Abby made me stop

>Each wolf I shot at exploded in an amazingly cartoony fashion

>”Okay, my turn. Uhm… Onii-chan, what spells are good?”


>”I already casted that and I didn’t memorize it agin…”

“Then lightning bolt.”

>”I roll to hit.”

“No, they roll to dodge with that spell.”

>”You sure know a lot onii-chan!”

>I watched the remaining wolves attempt to roll over poorly

>”They fail.”

>She let loose a bolt of lightning that arced between the remaining wolves

>Not how it works, but I wasn’t about to tell her that she was wrong when she could turn those spells on me

>”We did it onii-chan!”

>She jumped for joy as the wolves vanished leaving behind two bags and a hat

>Abby picked up the bags and put the hat on

>”We keep walking.”

>I was getting sick of this teleporting, I kind of wanted to see this crazy world that Abby had created

>We were on a path again surrounded by hills

“How did we get here Abby?”

>”You mean in the game? It just happens when I play sometimes. I didn’t know I could bring someone with me.”

>She didn’t have a lot of friends

>Hell, I didn’t know if she had any

>There wasn’t a lot of monsters in this area, especially her age

“Do you play this a lot?”

>”Yeah… I never have anyone to play with.”

>She looked at the ground and shifted

>I could hear her sniffle a little bit

“Come on, let’s keep playing.”


“Where are we going next?”


>We were now in a village where toys were going about their business

>”Its late now that we’re here.”

>The lights turned off

>”Now we umm…”

“We go to the inn to eat and sleep, right?”


>We were in a comfy inn with a crackling fire, tables where a few toys sat drinking from tankards

>Everyone Abby passed as she made her way to the bar greeted her warmly

>I just got polite nods as I followed

>Abby got to the bar and looked at the tall bar stools then at me


>I picked her up and put her on the chair

>An oni doll behind the counter sauntered over to us

>”What the BLEEP can I get for ya?”

>I had to stop myself from laughing as Abby censored herself

“How much for a date with you?”

>Abby got mad

>”The bartender punches you, onii-chan.”

>The wind was knocked out of me and I was pushed onto my back

>At least I thought I was funny

>”How much for a room and food?”

“How about some mead too?”

>I coughed as I picked myself up

>”100 gold.”

“That’s a little expensive for food and a room.”

>”She doesn’t like you onii-chan.”

>I sighed and paid the 100 gold

>Good thing we made roughly 1000 from our fights

>We sat at a table and waited for our food

>Ritz, peanut butter and apple slices this time

>”Onii-chan, what does mead taste like?”

>I had only had an alcoholic drink once and it was shitty wine

>I decided to give her a different drink

“Uh… pepsi?”

>”Can it be coke instead?”

“Its your game do what you want.”

>”Okay we get the off-brand mead brought to our table.”

>The oni brought our drinks over

>She scowled at me

>I ate the food and drank the coke

>It was filling and tasted exactly how I imagined it

>”Okay, we finish eating and go to our room.”

>We were in a small room with a single bed

>We both were lying on it, Abby hugging my arm

>”Are you still having fun?”

“Yeah. I’m having a lot of fun, Abby.”


“Are you?”

>”Yeah! I don’t get to see onii-chan much anymore but I love spending time with him!”

“Your parents just don’t need me to babysit very often now.”

>”Its okay, onii-chan.”

>“Its morning now!”

>We were back in the middle of the village

“What is our quest again?”

>”We have to beat up a big bad monster that is bullying this village.”

>I frowned

“Alright, where is this monster?”

>”In her cave. We have to travel there. Rolling for bad guys.”

>She somersaulted again but this time she landed on her face

>”Ow. No encounters. We start on the path.”

>We were in some dark woods

>”Now we sleep again because its night.”

>Tent and fire went up, we ate, then got in the tent

>”Onii-chan, close your eyes like you’re sleeping.”

>I did as she told me, closing my eyes

>I heard her scribbling on paper

>Then she left the tent

>”Onii-chan, its morning, wake up!”

>I opened my eyes

>The sun was out

>Abby was gone

>In her place was a note

>I picked it up and read it

>’I have kidnapped your sister and girlfriend, Abby. You will never get her back. Haha. -Big Evil Monster’



>That’s probably why she got mad at my date jokes

>I flipped it over

>’PS- If you want her back you have to come to my big evil cave.’

>I sighed

>I kept playing along

“Abby? Abby, I’ll save you!”

>I heard her giggle

“I go to the monster’s cave.”

>I was teleported to a cave

>I walked in, sword and shield in hand

>I saw Abby in a cage on the far side of the dimly lit cave

>”Onii-chan! Save me!”

>She covered her mouth ready to talk for the villain

>”Before you may fight me, you must first defeat my skeletons!”

>Forty some skeletons appeared

>”Onii-chan goes first.”


>I shot the skeletons

>They exploded into tiny bone fragments

>There were a few left


>I shot radioactive fire at them, destroying the remaining few

>”Impressive, Sir Knight! Now you must fight me!”

>A giant hellhound appeared

>She was like 10 feet tall

>”Look at how small and stupid you are?”

>Abby was talking in a really mean voice

>”Can’t even look me in the eyes!”

>”With your tiny baby horns– wait you don’t have horns…”

>I looked past the hound at Abby who sat with sad looking eyes

>I ignored the boss and walked over to her cage


>”Onii-chan you have to fight the bully.”

“Are you being bullied at school?”

>She looked away from me, tears in her eyes

>”Yeah… She’s so much bigger than me and is the only other monster in my classes and she keeps being so mean to me!”

>I looked at her as she cried

>I opened the cage and picked her up

>She clung to me as I set her in my lap

“Look, Abby. I don’t know a lot about monsters, but she’s probably trying to establish herself as the big fish of your school.”

>”But why does she have to be so mean?”

“Because look at this world you made! On accident! Soon you’re going to be casting a ton of cool magic. Powerful magic. She’s afraid of you.”

>She blinked at me


“I’m sure you will, just like you do in this game.”

>”Onii-chan… I think I’m done playing for now. I don’t need to see you beat up the bully anymore.”

>Yeah, I’d rather not hit a kid even if she was ten feet tall

>We returned to the fort, lying inside of it

>”Thanks for playing with me, onii-chan. I wish we could play more.”

“I’ll come over and play whenever, you just have to ask.”

>”Really!? You will?”

“Yeah that was fun. Come play real Dungeons and Dragons with us sometime too, okay?”

>Abby hugged my neck, nearly crushing my windpipe

>”Thank you, onii-chan! I love you!”

>God she was adorable

“…Love you too.”

>Few weeks later, Dungeons and Dragons game with my friends

>We had just gotten done talking about our characters and describing them

>Abby was a wizard, of course

>Our DM started describing the town they were in

>I watched Abby close her eyes with a smile on her face

>We were pulled into the world she imagined

>My friends looked at me in confusion as we were all our characters

>The DM stammered, unsure of what to do

“We go on our quest, of course! We start towards the next town. Abby could you roll for encounters?”

>”Yes, onii-chan!”

>My friends stared blankly as she performed a somersault, landing on her back

>”We have to fight the dragon. Two of them. Red and black.”

>My friend screamed as two dragons materialized

>”Onii-chan goes first!”

“I cast gun!”

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