“Krump ‘im! Krump ‘im!” A voice cried from my left shoulder, “Klobber ‘im!”
“Sneaky stabby slashy ‘im!” A voice shrieked from my right.
Both giggled. I stood staring at my coworker, hardly able to hear him, “Sorry,” I muttered as I reached up to my ears, rubbing my temples as I tried to scare off the two voices for a few seconds, “Got those brain goblins, you know? The ringing. What did you say?”
“I was just asking what you were planning on doing this weekend,” My coworker repeated with a little awkward laugh.
I scratched my head, unable to catch the two goblettes that flew around my ears, “Well... Probably try to catch up on my reading. Been reading that story about that gargoyle recently.”
“The one where they--”
“They clobber ‘em!” The voice giddily screeched.
“--and there’s the alp that--”
“Oh! We giv’ alps da EXTRA hard krumpin’!” The other voice screeched giddily.
I blinked and merely nodded, “I’m not super far in it, to be honest. So I don’t know about a few of those things,” I admitted.
“Well, its good! You gotta finish it some time.”
“I’ll try to. Its a little hard to focus...” I sighed before turning and heading back to my cubicle.
“You didn’t krump ‘im boss!” A voice whined.
“Boss musta thought he wasn’t worth da effort!” The other one concluded.
I sat in my seat and turned to my computer. The two things that the voices came from, the goblettes as I had come to know them as, flew down from their perches on my shoulders to stand on my desk. Tiny green skinned fairy like creatures that embodied the will of the green skinned brother gods. They looked like goblins-- Not the ones from japan that had horns and pale skin, but the usual green skinned ones you saw in western fantasy. Except unlike those kinds of goblins, these ones were... Well... Full and cute like the monster girl ones that had started cropping up some time ago. Even then, these two deviated as they were some form of green skinned fairy.
I looked at the left one and poked her with my pencil as she tried to play on my keyboard, “I’ll be good, boss!” She cried, desperate to play with the clicky sounds of the mechanical keyboard. I shook my head and shooed her away. I called her Gorka. Gorka was top heavy, her breasts were quite large for her size, roughly half a foot tall. She was cute admittedly with a plump face, especially how the rags she wore draped over her body. Sprouting from her back was a pair of red leathery bat wings that flapped idly as she played with her short black hair and watched me go back to work.
The other sister, Morka skulked around my desk, playing with things like paper clips and thumbtacks as she tried to make something, “Cut that out,” I growled at her quietly. She huffed and pushed her long white hair over her shoulder as she pouted. Unlike Gorka, Morka was bottom heavy. A plump rear and wide hips that her raggedy clothes fell over somewhat majestically. She had similar wings to her sister, but her’s were a deep blue color. She sneered at me with her thin face as she sulked at the corner of my desk.
Both had pointed long ears and long noses, feisty yellow eyes and a row of sharp, pearly white teeth. The worst part about both of them, other than the constant screams over their desire to maim, was that they were completely invisible to everyone but me. Why? Because I’m ‘da boss,’ as they tell me, “Morka, can you grab me my red pen? The blood one?”
Morka looked at me, still pouting, “Okay, boss,” She sighed and slowly walked to my cup holder.
“Oi! Boss!” Gorka went to my hand and started patting it, “I’m ‘ungry!”
“Its almost lunch. I’ll feed you then,” I grumbled. I wasn’t sure why I took care of the two of them. Maybe because only I could see and hear them? Or maybe it was because of their presence slathering me in demon mana? Demon mana that kept other girls away, at least those looking for a partner. Honestly, it was better this way. I could work without fear of molestation, “Morka, what’s wrong?”
She looked at me, still pouting, “Da boss doesn’t wanna see my catapult I was gonna build.”
“Oh! I wanna build one! Can we launch spikes at Johnny da room over?” Gorka started messing with the things that Morka had started to collect.
“Boooooss!” The other one whined, “Why does SHE get ta play with ya bits!?”
I snatched the pen from her, “No catapults! I don’t need miniature siege equipment!” I hissed.
“Uh... Anon?” Someone said my name, making me shoot up in my seat. I turned and looked at where the feminine voice came from. It was my boss, Gwen. The weresheep frowned from behind her fluffy wool, “Is... Everything okay in here?”
I turned back to my desk at the sniffling goblettes. I started to stammer as I looked at my boss, “You-- You, uh... Do mamano put chemicals in the air? Stuff like, uh, pheromones? Like... Spores and stuff. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.”
Gwen’s confusion turned to concern, “Is something bothering you?”
“I dunno, Gwen,” I sighed and rubbed my head, “Probably just a headache that’s gotten me worked up.”
The weresheep stepped into my cubicle, her cream colored wool bouncing as she walked and leaned against my filing cabinet, “Do you need to go home?” She kept a bit of distance from me.
“I’ll see how I feel after lunch,” I smiled weakly, “Sorry to worry you.”
“I would have been more worried if you had told me nothing was wrong. Everyone says you’re doing well, by the way. Only complaint, well, more of a comment, is that you shut down sometimes and need things repeated,” Gwen grinned at me, “I can see why you came recommended.”
“Thanks, Gwen,” I smiled back before she left. I swung around to my desk as I noticed the two trouble makers had been quiet for too long.
“Boss! Boss! We can krump the sheep-thing now!” Gorka excitedly announced as she showed me the catapult that the two had constructed.
“Yeah! Yeah, boss! Krump da sheep-thing and become the new warboss of da office!” Morka shouted.
I put my head in my hands and rubbed my face.
It was going to be a long day.
I hurried home, pedaling my bike down the dim streets. I wanted to get home before dark. The more aggressive girls came out at night. Gorka and Morka sat in the pockets inside my coat as I ferried all of us to my apartment. I arrived at the tall building and walked my bike to a little shed. I hung it in the usual spot among the other few bikes and hurried inside and out of the cold of winter. It seemed like it would start freezing soon, or worse, snowing. I sighed and scurried up the stairs and made my way up to my little apartment, steering clear of any neighbors that might want to talk to me. Its not that I didn’t like my neighbors, I just didn’t have the energy. I unlocked the door and stepped into my apartment, putting my coat up on its hook and taking my shoes off hastily, glad that I had the rest of the evening to relax. I turned back to my coat, realising I had left the goblettes in it as it rustled around on it’s hook.
I hurried back to the coat and pulled both of them out of the pockets, “Boss! It was so dark!” Gorka cried.
“I was scared, boss...” Morka whined.
“Sorry,” I grumbled as I let them go, staring as they flew around me.
“Boss, why ya gotta work for the fluffy not-boss?” Morka asked, “Ya should be out stabbin’!”
“Smashin’!” Gorka chimed in.
“Ya should be da boss of ya own zoggin’ warband!” Morka insisted as I went to the cupboard to grab a mug.
“Boss isn’t orky enuff,” Gorka concluded, “I havn’ seen da boss krump a SINGLE person! Hasn’ raided a SINGLE town! Da boss shouldn’ live like dis!”
“I happen to like what I do and my home,” I sighed, “I don’t know why your gods chose me, girls. But I’m not the warboss you want.”
“BUT BOSS!” They both shrieked, startling me and making me drop the mug. It shattered as it hit the floor.
“BOSS IS SMASHIN’!” Gorka hollered excitedly.
“BOSS! BOSS! BOSS! BOSS!” Morka chanted.
“WAAAGH!” Both screamed in unison.
With ferocity and boiling blood I turned to both of them. My fury turned to shock as I watched both of them grow before my very eyes. It wasn’t a drastic change but it was noticeable. Both excited goblettes went from half a foot to a little over eight inches, “What the hell?” I gasped.
“Boss!” Gorka zipped over to me, “Smashy more!”
“No! We gotta get stabby!” Morka demanded as she flew over.
“Both of you stop. I’m not doing either of those things,” I growled as I went for the broom and started sweeping up my mess.
“But boss!” They whined together.
“Zip it!” I seethed, “Or I’m gonna krump you!” They both turned pale and looked at me with nervous expressions. An idea formed in my head, “Clean this up, or I’ll get my klobberin’ stick.”
“Okay boss!” They wailed before diving to the floor and picking up each piece by hand and throwing them in a trash can.
I nodded, happy that I finally figured out a way to control them. But I felt a pang of guilt, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt them, even if they were annoying. All they wanted from me was to break something every once once in a while. I sighed, wondering what I was going to do with them, “What was it you two were saying before I smashed that cup?”
“Dat you are da warboss we wuz lookin’ for!” Morka insisted.
“Da green prophet sent us to find ya!” Gorka added.
“Lead da orks to da promise land!”
“Make da biggest--”
“Waaagh ever!” They both finished.
I looked at them and frowned, “I’m just a programmer. I can’t do anything like that.”
“No buts. We can talk about this later. I need to rest after learning about all of that.”
I laid in bed, the two goblettes were in their little bed on my nightstand. The only time they shut up was at night. Even then they snored. Tonight they dreamed of this ‘Waaagh’ they kept spouting off about. They sleepily cried out their little dreams of krumpin’, stabbin’, and smashin’ with “Waaagh”s when they exhaled.
I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at them. I took an index finger to Gorka’s face, poking her gently before petting her head. I did the same to Morka, skipping poking her. I figured she would bite or stab in her sleep. They both smiled and giggled in their sleep, “Boss...” Morka mumbled in her sleep, “Zog me, boss,” She panted, her face blushing.
“Mmmh, boss,” Gorka had a big dumb smile on her face, “I’m gonna Waaagh if ya keep doin’ that!” Both girls cuddled up to one another mumbling about me.
I sighed and stared out the window, wondering what I was going to do with them. Every other monster girl thought I had a wife thanks to the amount of mana they poured onto me. If they were just a little more obedient, they’d make fine wives. I frowned, wondering how I could get through to them at all. I’d have to do some research. Hopefully I could do it at work so they wouldn’t get suspicious.
“Boss!” Gorka whispered in my ear as I typed on my keyboard.
“Your siege equipment is ready!” Morka informed me quietly.
I turned. They had set up four catapults using anything they could swipe. Pens, rubber bands, paper clips, all of that. I glanced at my screen. Anything they considered victories should probably make them happy. They were just trying to please me so all I had to do was praise them, right? I cleared my throat, “Good job you two,” I tried.
“BOSS LIKES IT!” Gorka screamed.
“DA BOSS IS PLEASED!” Morka cried.
They both shouted their Waaaghs and grew another few inches. I was glad their clothes grew with them. They were about a foot tall now, their curves growing exponentially with them. I nodded with satisfaction and returned to my real work, “Gotta save these for later,” I told the girls before dumping the siege equipment into an empty drawer and locked it. They looked a little disappointed but didn’t voice their complaints, “What do you two wanna do today?” I asked.
“Smashin’!” Gorka cried immediately.
“Yeah, some zoggin’ smashin’!” Morka replied.
I nodded, “I guess that’s what we’ll do,” I started to get up as they began screaming again. I hurried to my co-worker’s cubicle and poked my head in, “Hey, you still go that old CRT you’re trying to get rid of?”
“Huh?” He glanced at me, “Yeah. You with the trash guys?”
“Nah, got a friend who’s into them. Mind if I snag it?”
“Don’t care. Get it outta my little cubicle.”
I nodded and grabbed it. The old CRT monitor was left over from whoever had this office before the mamano moved in. It was yellowed and dusty. Perfect for smashin’. At least I hoped so. I brought it back and plopped it on the unused portion of my desk. The gobblettes were around a foot and a half tall now. I wondered how big they’d get. Gorka had about an inch on Morka who was overall much thicker than her sister, “There we go.”
“Boss! Boss! When are we gonna do the smashin’!?” Morka cried.
“Now, boss! Now!” Gorka shrieked.
I shook my head, “Be patient little ones. You will have the smashin’ you so desperately crave.”
The two started to scream excitedly again.
I carried the TV to a nearby empty parking lot. The two goblettes pulled my bike along as they followed me, “Up there,” I nodded to a set of stairs up a nearby parking garage and grunt as I adjusted my grip on the somewhat heavy CRT.
“Boss! Jus’ smash it here!” Morka whined.
“Zoggin’ krump it right now, boss!” Gorka begged. Both were eager, frothing at the mouth for some kind of carnage. I took the monitor up two flights of stairs and set it on the railing, “Das gonna be a big smash, boss!”
I nodded and wiped my sweating brow, “You two give it a shove.”
They looked at me with pure joy in their eyes, “Y-You-- Do ya mean it, boss?” Morka asked, pleading with her eyes.
I nodded, “Go right ahead girls.”
“Oh! Boss is da best!” Gorka shouted, “Smash it for da boss!”
The two goblettes fluttered hard with their little wings and shoved the CRT off the railing, breaking and splintering it with a satisfying thud and the shattering of glass as it hit the ground. The two girls screamed the loudest I had ever heard, “WAAAGH!!!” They cried and grew in size.
They were about three feet in height, their little leathery wings pumping furiously to keep them airborne, “Thanks, boss!” Gorka grabbed my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek.
“Yeah, boss! You’re da bes’ warboss!” Morka grinned before kissing my other cheek.
“Cut that out,” I grunted, blushing. In just a day or two, the goblettes had gone from less than a foot to half my height. The little screeching banshees on my shoulders were now full on short stacks-- well, Gorka was. Morka was a shorty with a dump truck ass. They both grinned at me excitedly, waiting for more orders, “Come on, we gotta split before the cops show up,” I chuckled before grabbing my bike. Gorka got on my back, wrapping her arms around my neck and clinging with her feet while Morka sat on my handlebars.
I sat in bed with the goblettes on either side of me. They were too big for their little bed now. Each held one of my arms lovingly, “Ya should sleep, boss,” Morka smiled as me, caressing my leg.
“Yeah, boss. Or ya could zog us now,” Gorka grinned.
Morka shot her a furious look. I blinked and pat both of them on the head, “I am sleepy, I guess,” I grumbled before settling in, a lovely greenskin on either side of me. They used my shoulders as pillows as they caressed my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep as the two green skinned beauties wiggled around, trying to get comfortable.
“Boss?” Gorka whispered as she got close to my face. I ignored her, just wanting to sleep. She kissed me on the cheek.
“Ya git!” Morka hissed quietly, “Ya gonna wake up the boss and then he’s gonna zog us!”
“Isn’t dat what we want?”
“Sssh! We can’t wake him up yet!” I felt both girls pull the covers down, “Da boss’s zog stick...” Morka breathed heavily, “Is in dere.”
“Down ‘ere? Ohhh... This gobb’ette wants dat stick,” Gorka moaned just thinking about it.
Little hands grabbed the hem of my pants and pulled it down. I sat up, “What are you two doing!?” I cried.
Morka’s hand was an inch away from fondling my balls. Gorka’s mouth was less than an inch, wide open, from swallowing my member whole, “Boss!” Morka looked terrified.
“B-boss, we wuz just... well... we...” Gorka whimpered.
“Trying to get me while I’m sleeping? I thought I could trust you,” I grunted.
“B-but boss, ya can trust us!” Gorka insisted.
Morka nodded, “Good gobbies serve han’some warboss! We good gobbies!” I rubbed my face, wondering what I was going to do with them, “Boss,” Morka started as both of them started stripping, “Wez gotta make ya more orky for da Waaagh!”
“Yea, boss!” Gorka nods, “We good gobbies! Let ya gobbies please ya!”
What did I do?
<Embraced the WAAAGH like the goblettes wanted me to>
<Turned them into really good gobbies like I wanted to>